My Liver Cancer Blog

Wicked Thoughts: On the way home from the 3rd Zeno infusion yesterday, I tested myself. If given the choice, are there still people in the world that I would give my cancer to if some little demon made the offer? Yup, totally. People I know? Yup, sorry to say, but totally. This made me and my husband laugh. We both know who I would give this cancer to if I could.

Bad Novel: My parents are shocked by how much we are paying for the Zeno infusions. (Which is good, because it is fucking shocking, and I think the company selling the drug should be ashamed). So, I’ve said to my mother a few times, “Well, my savings won’t do me any good if I’m dead.” The last time I said this she laughed. “Whenever you say that I think it’s so funny. It sounds like something out of a bad novel.” “Well, that’s pretty rude,” “Why?” “Because you are accusing me of turning my life into a bad novel. That’s a terrible thing to tell someone!” And then we both laughed. But it got me thinking. What would it mean to live your life like a good novel? I’ll have to think about this. I suppose it depends on what you consider a good novel. Share your thoughts with me, please.

My first PhD student: My very first PhD student, A, emailed me yesterday because she had an article published about her research, and the article won a prize. Her research was actually about patients’ experiences of cancer and cancer care at the cancer hospital I now go to (but like 20 years ago). I think most, maybe all, of her research participants, some of whom became friends, must have died by now. Strange since most of my research participants from my doctoral research 30 years ago are still alive. I haven’t yet told A that I have cholangiocarcinoma, but I think I will.

Another CT scan: I have a CT scan today (after 3 doses of Zeno, the third one just yesterday). It might be too soon to show if it’s having an effect, but we’ll see. Cross all your fingers and toes for me.