My Liver Cancer Blog

my first blog, a way for me to process my experience of being diagnosed with cholangiocarcinoma

about

I am a professor at a Canadian university. I’m married, have close relationships with my family, love my 2 dogs, love travel, and enjoy hiking (but day hikes only – not really into the hut-to-hut thing). I really hope I can get through this and do some major hikes again in the future. Thank god I also love reading novels (literary prize winners, but also espionage, detective, and sometimes Sci-fi). And thank god I live in an era of excellent tv. And thank god I love writing. There are many things I can still do that I love, even having cancer and being more home-bound than I would like to be.

If you’re new, I recommend starting with How I Found Out.

recent posts

Hubris, or maybe I won’t miss chemo after all

My red blood cell count went into the shitter this week, and all I want to do is nap.

Up until now I was luxuriating in a mostly chemo-side-effect-free treatment experience. But now I am tired, tired, tired. I can only hope that if the chemo is killing my red blood cells, it is also killing the tumor. And I’m only halfway through, having completed 4 of 8 cycles. Last week it was a comfort knowing I still had 4 cycles left of a treatment I’ve become accustomed to and wasn’t causing me any ill effects. Now I’ll admit to some dread, or at least trepidation. I don’t want to spend the next 3 months feeling this tired. On the other hand, I also worry (but half hope) that my oncologist will want me to take a chemo pause to let the red blood cells recover.

I’m remembering the “Cancer-related Fatigue” nutrition workshop I attended where some participants talked about being so tired it felt like the most they could do was prepare themselves toast with butter. I am not there, but I can imagine how easily I would get there if I didn’t have my husband filling me up with iron-rich meals (he’s about to go to the fish store to get clams, oysters, and mussels for a soup).

My sister has been volunteering for Lasagna Love (https://lasagnalove.org) for years now. I don’t know how many lasagnas she’s made and delivered. I’m wondering if something similar could be set up for cancer patients who are having a hard time managing nutrition because of fatigue and not having people to cook for them.

Anyway, time to check my hubris about being so blissfully free of side effects.

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One response to “Hubris, or maybe I won’t miss chemo after all”

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    Anonymous

    You know. It’s now time for some hypocritical advice. When we’re tired, that’s our body’s way of telling us to rest.

    But we never want to hear that. Instead we want to hear, “Go! Go! Go!” And also “Rah! Rah! Rah!”

    Sometimes, however, we should just rest. Binge watch The Morning Show. Or Ted Lasso. Read Winnie the Pooh. All of it. Rest outside and see how long you can listen to the birds before you fall asleep.

    Observe what it is like to fall asleep. And then slowly wake up and observe that too.

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