My Liver Cancer Blog

”Honey, can I tell you something?” “Yes, of course.” “Honey, chemo has changed my butt.” A woman walked past us on the hospital parking garage stairs going in the other direction. She overheard me and said, “It changes a lot more than that. It changes everything.” I thought to myself, “Only here at the cancer hospital could I make a comment like that, and a stranger passing by would be totally unfazed.” And then I thought, “Chemo changing my butt is such a small thing compared to how chemo is really a terrible experience for a lot of people. She probably has had a terrible experience with chemo, or cared for someone who has.”

”But honey,” I said, after the woman had left the stairwell, “chemo has changed my butt. I used to have a big, high, juicy butt, and now I have a flat, small, saggy butt.” “I love your butt,” he said. Excellent answer. But what I was saying is true: somehow a lot of the fat and muscle has gone out of my butt, and now it is a very different shape. I didn’t love my butt before (too big – hard to find pants that fit), but I like this new butt less. It fits better in my pants, but I look at my naked profile in the mirror, and it just doesn’t look like my butt.